Alrighty, sit down, buckle in and listen up. Today I’m going to tell you of the worst person I have dealt with during this time. I thought the drunk girl who called Riley my ex was bad, I thought my own inner demons was the worst. Now knocked right out of the park. Riley’s mum.
I don’t like being rude to peoples parents, I don’t like ranting about them. She was civil to me while Riley was alive but once Riley passed away that all changed.
So today we discuss mothers-in-law. Most of the time I have never understood the evil ‘mother-in-law’ troupe. But I discovered it. It happened to me.
Riley’s mother has always been civil enough to me, chatted when we were in a room together etc but for the most part I had very little contact with her. I had heard many stories from Riley, his brother and her sister about her. I won’t go into those as those are not my stories to tell. My story starts the day after the accident, just after I had been told Riley had less than 24 hours to live. I put a post on facebook inviting his friends to come in and say goodbye. Turns out Riley had a lot more people love him then some of us realised. The day was full of people and swapping stories.
They cheered me up, they tried to make me feel like a person. Riley’s friends are good people. Feeling slightly less shit until I hear Riley’s mother complain about all the noise, all the people, how she had to sit in the corridor because she couldn’t handle it. Which is fair if she had bothered to come up and say Hey Amy, it’s a bit loud, I can’t handle these people. She doesn’t complain at the time but brings it up to her advantage later when there’s nothing you can do to change it.
A kind of major thing that fucked with me was Sarah and I had to go get breakfast and they said they would keep us updated on Riley. Came back an hour later oh and he had been pronounced dead for 20 minutes and they had not messaged us to let us know.
But once Riley was pronounced dead that was it. Her and Riley’s father drove back up to Oamaru. No help with the funeral planning, or paying. No help organising his stuff. She wanted nothing (I checked).
From there I saw her at the court date but did not really have anything to talk to her about. But she did go over to Mr Ma and ‘forgave’ him. Which does seem like the right thing to do. (Not for me, will hold a grudge forever) (I’m bringing this up to make a point later)
From there, her and Sarah sorted the estate. The usual. While I attempted to sort my life. When it came to moving out at the end of the year I packed and cleaned my flat. Upon finding out I needed her signature on my bond form because Riley couldn’t I got the real estate agent to email her. Which it turns out she decided to claim Riley’s half because she ‘legally’ could. Sure you can, doesn’t mean you should right?
Due to me not being great at cleaning and having my life in pieces I got a cleaning bill for not being up to standard. I agreed at the time because I thought I was getting all of the bond back. After finding she was claiming Riley’s side I told her she should have the cleaning bill taken out of her side because she didn’t help clean and I at least attempted it. She informed me the ‘excuse’ I had for not cleaning the house problem was a very poor excuse as she had cleaned a house she had moved out of.
Firstly, moving out of a flat and selling your house has a different standard of cleanliness, secondly, some people clean when they are sad, I am not one of those people and thirdly you were not sorting out an entire house of thing that belonged to a man that you loved that died. I was attempted to condense a house into a room at the same time. And finally, my real estate agent is known for finding issues in all of their properties at the end of the year. That’s just how they roll.
But still I did not get rude to as I know she is Riley’s mother and she was just grieving.
Then we got to the estate. Now the reparation money from the court got put into Sarah’s account and got split five ways. Was four ways at the start but then Riley’s parents decided they were a different party each. So five. Still we held our tongues.
But she went too far. Sarah received an email saying that because of us giving her the cold shoulder we were not getting any of the estate money. This money split up five ways (Again why) would be about 5 grand each. Instead she is keeping it all for herself. Sarah and I were livid. Cold shoulder? I tried so many times to ask her if she wanted any of Riley’s stuff, Sarah invited her into her home even though they haven’t gotten a long for a while. We invited her to the memorial, we tried to include her into things but she just chose not to.
She didn’t want to deal with the estate, she was happy to let Sarah do it but she had to.
But now there is money on the line it’s suddenly all about her rights as the next of kin. It’s her money. NO IT’S NOT, it’s Riley’s money. As the administrator she should decide how Riley would have wanted that money to be split.
That woman is pure evil and if you have ever had one of those mother in laws then you will know what I mean.
But back to why I brought up the court day and forgiving. She can forgive a man that murdered her son but not Sarah and I for a made up cold shoulder. And why? Because it costs her nothing to forgive Mr Ma. But if she didn’t make up these excuses then there would be no reason to not get the money.
So Riley’s mum,
A couple of things you will need to know. That money will not make you happy, it will not mend the hole in your heart but also you have taken from Riley’s brother, sister, girlfriend, niece, nephew and his mother-in-law. You are evil but also you are pathetic. For all you have done is try to profit off your son’s death. You have made no attempt to help pay for anything but want everything in return.
When I get to heaven and I see Riley again, I will be able to look him in the eye. He will say “Amy I am so proud of how well you handled everything” But what will he say to you? He will say, you maybe my mother but you shat on everyone that I loved and made their lives difficult when they were already going through hell.”
Finally, you lost a son I understand that but at least you had someone to go home to at night. You didn’t have to sit by yourself alone at 5am looking out the window hating everyone (including yourself), you didn’t have to face everything alone and you had someone to hug you when you needed. I did not. I have lost the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. And while I was in the lowest point of my life, you have kicked me. I hope you’re proud of yourself because I know Riley will not be.
Money does not make you happy. I mean don’t get me wrong, money up until a point does make you happy, being able to pay rent, having enough money to buy food etc that does make you happy but taking money from other people when you have enough already does not make you happy. It will not heal your heart and as Ralph Emerson famously said “Money often costs too much.”
She has taken the money from the estate. She has lost everyone who knew and loved Riley or I. She has burnt so many bridges and she will be so alone when that money is gone. It wasn’t enough that she lost her son, she had to break the hearts of everyone else Riley loved.
The reason I am telling you this is because I want you to understand what happens when someone you love dies. People get greedy, people think the material things will help, people think they are entitled to something because they are grieving. I can assure you, you are not alone. I put a post on reddit and the unbelieve stories I heard broke my heart, all these people being treated so badly by their partners families.
A couple of steps to make to ensure the treatment of the people you love is slightly better than what happened to me. Have a will. Can’t stress this one enough. Know your rights, read up on your countries laws about de facto relationships etc but also know your responsibilities. Make sure you don’t shit on anyone. Think about how your partner would feel, try and be fair.
Riley with his favourite meal of the day. Dessert!
P.s I’m sorry I felt the need to write it, but sometimes the high road gets way too lonely.
P.s.s if you haven’t already you should go ahead and like my facebook page here